Have you ever Fallen in Love?

My relationship has slowly started to fall apart, and I can’t help but ask myself why? I went to church with my mom last Sunday and I asked her if my dad had always been the way he is now, he answer was no. I had to ask, and I needed some reassurance that it wasn’t just my guy, my boyfriend that acted like an idiot sometimes. I guess it makes me feel a little better to hear that all men are. I can’t help but wonder what is so hard about simply doing the right thing? What I have come to realize over the course of these past couple of weeks is that all relationships are hard, and all relationships take work. The fact that we are two individuals trying to come together as one collective unit, a family, a team is incredibly difficult. I really underestimated just how difficult it was. Considering this is my first real and committed relationship, I had no idea what to expect. The fact that I am an only child and used to having my way with most things did not and does not help much either. All I know for now is just how much I love this one person, and just how much I am willing to do for him. It is a rare feeling, strange feeling to experience the level of which you love someone. That confusion you experience when your logic tells you to do one thing and your heart tells you to do another. I have never let go of my pride for anyone before, being that I am incredibly stubborn, it is something unheard of. I suppose that I would much rather allow myself to be vulnerable than to end up alone, after all life is about taking chances, right?

On Making Amends

So lately I’ve been having a lot of problems with my boyfriend. It isn’t a problem so great like losing feelings for one another, or wanting to move on. We’ve simply reached that point in our relationship where we are both struggling with our different personalities. It’s the, I want it my way syndrome that we apparently can’t shake. Well if a relationship and its obstacles were not enough, parent’s getting involved only makes it worse. So on top of dealing with just each other, and more so me dealing with him, I also had to deal with his mom being intrusive and imposing her opinion on our relationship. Just a little about me, I am an extremely hard headed person, completely stubborn, I am a Taurus after all. I do not, have not, will not, ever like or appreciate people telling me what to do. I cannot stand people trying to tell me how to live my life or even simply imposing their point of view/ opinions, I hate it. Earlier this year Brian and I found ourselves in a very difficult position. Things happened and both of our parents were angry at us both. Although my parents have been in the duration of my relationship with him, extremely angry at us, that angry was always only taken out on me. Brian’s parents are from out of town, and even with that being said, I cannot say the same about Brian’s parent’s that I can about mine. When the opportunity presented itself, Brian’s mom totally went off on me and said things that should not have been said. For a long time I was angry, and frustrated. I really felt like it was totally uncalled for, and she had completely crossed the line. For almost 5 months now, I haven’t really spoken to her, nor made an effort to include her in anything. I didn’t think that I should have to reach out to her considering that I felt I had done nothing wrong to her. In fact I felt that she owed me an apology. This animosity I felt towards Brian’s mom, this tension between us was really starting to wear on me. Even though I swore I would never do it, I called her and let her know how I felt. I decided to be the bigger person and pursue this relationship with her, and it honestly felt good. I accomplished making amends, and overcoming a huge obstacle of mine, a characteristic that has definitely hurt many of my relationships in the past.

To Being Grown Up....

So this quite possibly might have been one of the worst weeks for me. I had more school work than I can handle, work and work meetings to attend, and to top it off I was fighting with my boyfriend probably the entire week. It really is such an overwhelming feeling when you feel your life is starting to crumble and there isn’t anything you can do about it. I remember when I was a little girl and all I could think about, fantasize about was growing up. What it would be like, what I would look like, who I would be and what I would be doing. It all seemed so surreal and in so many words, just plain out cool. Now that I am here, I am by many people’s standards an adult, I sometimes question if I can actually handle it. Handle the responsibilities that come with being “grown up”, being an adult. It is just at times so much harder than I ever expected it would be. My being in my 20’s means that I now have to work to pay for my own things, it means that I have to be responsible for my own action, and it means that I have to deal with the ups and downs of my relationship. Although I do all of these things, and I am responsible, I can’t help but wonder what happened to the days when everything was done for me, and I didn’t have a care in the world. I really miss those days, especially when I have weeks like these.

So this is me...

This is my first blog and I think I have picked a perfect title for it, “My Life”. The only thing I can write about and have actually make sense is myself. I also felt it appropriate because I am constantly changing and growing. I am constantly learning new things about life, myself and who I want to be. This blog at times may be personal; others humorous and at times even a little dull. Life isn't always interesting or eventful; it’s simple and complicated all at the same time. So I hope to intrigue my readers who ever they may be with my dull, yet complicated, enlightening, fulfilling, emotional, and hopefully interesting life.

A little about me: I was born in Montebello, California but I grew up in a dairy farming town called Ontario, also in California. I am an only child to very traditional Mexican parents. As one would normally suspect with being Mexican, I have an extremely large extended family. So brothers, sisters, were never wanted, needed, or asked for on my part. I laugh every time but I swear my family reminds me of that Greek family in the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding. We are loud, and halfway obnoxious, and our worlds and reunions revolve around food. Yet in spite of all the chaos, we love each other and we look out for each other. We are a family, and although things may not always be perfect and disagreements are almost always in play, we stick together.